Get in the closet

When I was a little girl, I used to hide in my closet.

I hid in a few closets in my 20’s. This week, I crawled into a closet. I’m bejeebus older now, so pushed a couple blankets in there first so that I had something for my lumpy butt and could stay as long as I needed to without cramping.

It was comforting as I cried my eyes out.

The closet is magical. It’s hidden, dark, small, secret, private, non-judgemental, and so much more.

When you’re in the closet, all the noise in your head, shouting from the world, failures and looming failures, are allowed to go away.

After you cry your eyes out.

I’m hearing from friends

Lots of friends – who are having a hard time dealing with social distancing, the pandemic menace, misinformation, massive insecurity, financial devastation, guilt, lions, tigers, bears, locusts and floods.

Multiply that by 1,000 when you already suffer from PTSD, depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety and the whole spectrum of mental chemistry we lived with before the Safe at Home order was issued. Now it’s like a low level of awful at all times. Existing 24/7 on a razor’s edge.

You too?

I advocate The Closet.

We need a place to totally abandon the responsibility to keep it together. It will still be there when we get back but in order to get back, we have to go away first. It needs to be dark, private and inviolate.

Spend a few intense escapist moments – or hours since you’re not really functioning at the moment anyway. Go to the place where the world is the safety and security you sought as a child. The place where all the scary things could not get at you. Where all the yelling was slightly muffled.

Go to a place where you can cry so hard you’re exhausted and then stay for a nap. Where your partner agrees to pretend they have no idea where you are and not come looking for you.

Need blissful peace? Your closet is Narnia where everything bad turns into beautiful. How do you get there? Through the wardrobe.

Don’t have a closet? Pillow fort. Dark. Small. Blankets. Tissue. No-one’s coming to your house anyway so make one and leave it up.

Live alone? Your closet still needs to be a small, snug place that requires you to fold up into yourself. It needs to be a hidey hole, not your sofa.

Furnishings

Blankets are an absolute must. Number one most important part of your closet. A blanket over your head for more dark, bunched up when you need to hold something close, muffles cathartic screams, is snot absorbent, and warm for the post cry nap.

When I was little, I had a can of playdough in my closet and after a bit I’d make little tiny figures and set them up in a row just inside the sliding door. I could see them from my bed and they made me feel better.

Christen your closet. Imbue it with all the safety that you need. Stuff it in there and close the door so it won’t leak out.

What it’s not

Your closet is not communal. If you live with someone, let them find their own damn closet.

It is not a constructive place where you analyze your feelings, figure out the best cognitive behavioral therapy tools to work through your situation and come out with a plan. It is a place where you are allowed… no, encouraged, to be completely out of your head with grief.

The Closet is not the answer. It’s an anesthetic. It’s a bridge to the veneer of sanity that allows us to function for a bit longer.

In the scheme of things

You might not end up spending much time in your closet but it’s available any and every time you need it. I confess, after my recent closet experience, I feel better knowing it’s there. Plus, I left the blankets.

 

I’m Susan Scot Fry, the author of “A Year of Significance”. Honest, occasionally humorous and sometimes I swear.