AKA “How to not loose your shit when having dinner with someone with Binge Eating Disorder.”
You know our dirty secret. How are you going to handle that? You know that food is an issue but you agreed to have dinner? Holy Shit! Were there warning signs from earlier meals? Am I just blind? What kind of friend am I anyway?
Relax. Let yourself off the hook. There’s nothing you could have done differently before you knew. We are capital E – Experts at hiding our eating disorder.
Just in case you’re not convinced, I’m here to help.
Here’s some hints and guidance to help you navigate these non-shark-infested waters.
First and foremost – you have nothing to do other than enjoy your meal and our conversation. People with BED are fully functioning human beings with lives and accomplishments and foibles exactly like you.
Trust that you can’t fix it, so don’t try. Never 
monitor what a person with BED eats. You will find yourself judging and wanting to ‘help’ curb the behavior. Think of it like trying to judge and curb the behavior of a feral cat. You can’t. You will get bit and you will get rabies.
How we do differ in our respective dining experiences…
** We members of the B.E.D. club will eat everything on our plates. We have to. We absolutely cannot not eat everything.
Do not stare. Keep talking.
** We will not ask for a bite of whatever you ordered. We cannot have one single bite. If you offer a bite, we will have a panic attack, take your offered bite out of the sheer terror of not seeming normal, and then eat your whole meal in addition to our own. We have to. We cannot have just one bite.
We won’t really eat all of your food. We’ll just obsess about wanting to eat all of your food. Keep your stinking bite to yourself.
** Don’t be afraid to comment about how delicious your food is. We are happy that you’re happy. We want you to enjoy your food.
** We will never offer you a bite of what’s on our plates. You cannot have our security blankets.
** If you leave something on your plate, that’s okay. It’s also okay that we will obsess about it for the rest of the evening and plot how to steal into the kitchen, bribe the busboy to find your plate, and finish your meal in the time it takes to go to the restroom.
Bonus Guidance if I happen to be the person you’re going out to eat with…
You can ask. I’m obviously addicted to oversharing. I’ll talk about it. Ask something simple like, “Are you doing it now?” I’ll tell you. I’ll gleefully tell you. I have nothing to be ashamed of. It might actually be kind of funny to share the bizarre, lizard brain stream of thoughts and urges that are happening unbidden to my conscious self.
“So, Susan… Are you doing it now?”
Grin. “Yes, I am, thank you for asking. Here’s the brain trip I’m taking…
Are you ordering something that comes with more stuff on your plate than my selection? Will you eat it all? If I order something with less stuff and eat it all – because I will – will that look like I’m not actually stuffing myself into unconsciousness? Or, if I box it up to look normal, can I eat it with one hand in the car on the way home and not crash while driving? Should I order something that can be eaten with one hand? Something not so messy that it will ruin my shirt? If I have stains on my shirt from eating in the car in the dark, can I convincingly laugh it off like it actually happened in the restaurant and I must have just sat there the whole evening with this big slorp on my shirt and nobody told me? Is there anything on the menu that’s not going to require a beverage in order to choke it down when it’s slightly cold and in the to go carton in the passenger seat in my car?”
This happens in a nanosecond.
You’re welcome to also just print this out and put it in a pocket for the next time we go out to eat together.
I’m Susan Scot Fry, the author of the blog “A Year of Significance”. In 2020, I take on the greatest nemesis of my life: Binge Eating Disorder. With a side of aplomb sauce. Deeply honest and occasionally humorous. Oh, and I swear sometimes.
A Year of Significance 