B.E.D. Loving Lent and other ways I would try absolutely anything to eat normally

I love Lent.

I am not Catholic. What I love is the idea and execution of denying myself something for 40 days. It fits in perfectly with the need to control my eating using whatever extreme method I can devise.

The more extreme, the better. Tiny measures never worked. Trying to simply add more vegetables to my diet never worked. Trying to get out on a 10 minute walk every other day never worked. All those helpful hints about ways to be more healthy in my approach to food and exercise never worked. Except to make me feel like an utter failure and basically broken.

My most successful Lent was militantly eliminating processed sugar of any kind. Reading labels on cans and boxes at the grocery store meant a 30 minute trip took 2 hours. It gave me this godlike sense of control. I could be smug that I’d figured out how to control food. It showed me that I do have the ability to obsessively choose what I’m going to eat and only choose things that are good for me. See. Like normal people.

It was so successful, that I kept it up for a year and a half. I only stopped when I decided to trade one obsession for another. Training for a marathon.

Distance running was another heaven sent means of controlling the destruction wrecked on my body by my eating disorder. Running that much meant that I could eat anything I wanted. It was fantastic.

It’s Not The Food.

The world told me to control my eating and that if I couldn’t that I was defective, worthless and unlovable.

It’s Not The Food.

After 50 years of failure and self-hate, I could no longer fight it. I gave up. My desperate need to try ended. But, that’s another post.

It’s Not The Food.

I hit bottom. Thank all the gods that be that I also hit therapy Really Hard. That’s also another post.

It’s Not The Food.

I’ve always known that but was too ashamed to fully commit to fixing and therefore removing the most effective safety net I’ve ever had.

Thank you for reading these posts. It’s a big part of owning it.

 

I’m Susan Scot Fry, the author of “A Year of Significance”. In 2020, I take on the greatest nemesis of my life: Binge Eating Disorder. With a side of aplomb sauce. Honest, occasionally humorous and sometimes I swear.