I actually consider “How are you?”

A lifetime of therapy does not make for good social skills.

Now you know.

For example, there’s this little social nicety of “Hi. How are you?” The answer is “Fine. How are you?” 100% of the time. Unless you’re talking to me.

I think about it for a bit before answering. I want to be truthful. I assume if you’re asking it’s because you suspect there’s something wrong. I want to be accommodating and not tell you your suspicions are incorrect. So, I try to think of what’s wrong so that I can answer truthfully and make you feel like you’re right. Doesn’t matter if I’m actually fine. I’m going to try to find something horrendous to report.

Then, there’s that look on your face that says I did not choose wisely and I back peddle like Lance Armstrong trying to deny using steroids. “But, it’s all really good. Fine. Dandy. I’m coping – but not even coping because there’s nothing to cope with. But if there were, I’d cope great.”

Beat.

“And, how are you?”