I appreciate the heartfelt sentiment behind people offering to be there for folks who are suffering. Who extend an open invitation to come to their home and experience some comfort and non-judgemental understanding for those who suffer mental illness. Please let me offer this perspective.
First and foremost:
We appreciate the sentiment. It really does help normalize what we go through and that’s a big step toward lessening the feeling of being overwhelmed to the point of incapacity that we sometimes experience.
Next – my sweeping generalizations. Yes everyone is different. That said, here goes.
A Reality from those of us who suffer:
For most of us, if we don’t know you, we won’t go to your house. Hitting bottom is incredibly vulnerable and trust is important before baring our souls by even admitting that we’re in a bad place.
Many mental illnesses are marked by isolating. It’s not that we want to. We can’t help it. The thought of seeing your actual face is terrifying.Mental illness isolation
If you want to be of help, take time to create a relationship so that you can actually be there when needed.
If you don’t want to take the time it requires to create a meaningful relationship, that’s perfectly understandable. Although we’re delightful much of the time, when we aren’t we really aren’t. The next most constructive thing is to inquire if we have our tribe.
Every person suffering from mental illness needs a tribe. The person(s) who you can IM or text with the most horrific, crazed, lunatic thoughts and feelings and they intrinsically understand. They can bounce back and forth with you at any moment until we’re evened out just enough to get back to living our lives.
Still up for the possibility of truly connecting with someone in the mental illness club? Here’s your opportunity. Folks who habitually make ‘this is how messed up I am’ posts are desperate for the temporary relief that pouring your heart out may offer. It really does help to do that and I’m glad they’re reaching out in any way they can. I also think they’re looking for their tribe of individuals vs just the faceless masses of people who clicked Friend but who really aren’t. If you want to create that meaningful relationship, reach out personally to those people who make those posts. You know who they are.
So, you decide you’re going to reach out and try to be someone’s tribe? Good. You are a brave soul and have earned your place in heaven. Next, get prepared. Get some guidance from experts on how to deal with us. When we’re at our worst, it’s not pleasant. It’s not a gentle cuddle on the sofa with a cup of tea and a cat until everything is okay again. Again, not trying to hurt you but you signed up for it. Don’t drop us when the reality sets in.
Who knows, though. If you shop around enough you might find one of us who needs the pillow fort and kindness and that will make it temporarily all better. Note the word ‘temporarily’. That’s not me. I’m an aggressive sort of messed up. If I am in the mood for a pillow fort, that means I have the faculty to make one myself.